I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
