Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
