The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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