i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
