Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
