I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
