i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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