he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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