dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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