Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
A bitchslap is in order.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
