totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
