Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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