I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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