i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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