i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
