My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just google imaged poop.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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