i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
