I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
