she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
