K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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