went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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