so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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