They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
