so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
