I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
