I met the friendliest cop last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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