What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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