You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
