My room smells like vodka and shame
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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