so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
