Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
