Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
