Sorry, I don't speak sober.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
