shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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