Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
