She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
