lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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