Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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