Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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