I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
