I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
