My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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