My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
