brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
