I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
