If i come over, it means nothing
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
