i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
