she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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