I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
