3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
operation have a gay friend backfired
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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