ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You ruined the universe
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
