smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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