the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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