fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
