Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
