We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
