I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
