i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
