the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
MIDGETS
????
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
